23. That number is significant to me. why? BECAUSE WE LEAVE IN 23 DAYS FOR SANTIAGO!!!!! Time has zoomed past me. I feel as though I am running to catch up. GUys I am in awe of God. He is SO merciful....Rightrous, holy...magnificent...radiant, beautiful, powerful Provider of all I need, giver of peace, giver of ABUNDANT grace and life and UNCONDITIONAL love...He is more than enough for me. THis past month, I am humbled by the Love God has so graciously and abundantly lavished upon me.
As i have walked through this season of GBC, one thing has been heavily laid on my heart....but it has been a sin I have been walking in. It was the sin of covetousness. I saw something I wanted, I lusted after it. I saw a movie about a relationship or love or money or possessions..i coveted it. I coveted people. I coveted friends. I coveted the things I saw on other people, their clothes"my wardrobe isn't as good as theirs; i am in 'need'..."....I coveted the things they rode in..their cars, "I don't have a car, and they do...I am in 'need'" I saw people's love and I coveted it..."God why can't I just be married now. Send me my husband! I have love but not THAT kind of love...I am in 'need'..." It consumed every area of my life. Eventually it obvously wedged a strong wall between me and God. I allowed my perspective to become solely focused on myself....What a shame! I was directly going against the entire POINT of Global Bootcamp...to WIDEN my perspective, when all the while, I was allowing mine to grow smaller and smaller and smaller..til I truly believed God was wronging me...God was holding out on...God was not blessing me..God was angry at me...I believed these lies. and not only that but because i believed they began to come out in my speech, they began to create anger and bitternes and jealousy in my heart. I looked around me and saw "everyone" else in a "better" place in life. Now keep in mind, this kind of poverty mentality was something I had been dealing with my whole life. I was consumed by. I was looking at life, everyday, with blurred vision...and as the days went by, I became blind. Until one day, someone sat me down and confronted this mentality in me. IT hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't want anyone to know I was struggling with this THIS deeply..How could he know? Well, it was the good ole faithful Holy Spirit of course, and the fact that my attitude and countenance had grown so sour, so bitter...that i could taste it on the inside...like a poison covetousness seeped into everything I did. So he shared with me what God wanted to do in my heart....describing it vividly saying that God wanted to uproot my heart and turn it completely and totally replant it....I needed a spiritual heart transplant...I heard him, listened to my friend speak, and walked away knowing in my heart a change was about to come. But it had such a deep root, how could i imagine life without it? Then weeks later....another person came to me and stated my place in the program..and that because I didn't have the money in, I was not going on the trip unless I got $3000 more dollars within about 52 days. OH GREAT! I thought.."another area that IM lacking in and GOD isn't being faithful..blah blah blah..." all the feelings i thought about repenting of came back full force, but I realized this time, God was speaking to me..THis wasn't about the money. It was about my view of God.....did I trust Him...or was I too busy writing and presenting my list of things i "thought" I didn't have or He "didn't provide for".....I began to weep as I realized the choice I had to make......fear or faith? Trust God....or continue in my bitterness, my covetousness, my anger, my jealousy, and my poverty perspective.....SO Guys, I did it...I chose faith......
Hallelujah! That was over a month ago....and since then...I have received all but $308!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUt as I stated before it wasn't about the money. THis was God teaching me....Guys God has begun to do a new work in me..a change that hurts but is causing my perspective to not only be shifted but to be blown out of the water...He has not only given me a heart transplant, but now an eye transplant..he is changing my vision, my heart, my mind, my sight..He is changing me. The Holy spirit is at work in my life...I feel Him, I hear Him speak...I know he is moving. praise God. Praise God for who He is...without HIm, I am nothing. Without faith, it is impossible to please Him. Because of submission to the Holy Spirit's conviction, because of my faith, because of my obedience to humble myself and ask God for His will and way to be done and also ask other for their financial help...BECAUSE OF GODS GREATNESS AND COMPASSION AND MERCY God has provided ABOVE AND BEYOND WHAT I NEED...HE HAS GIVEN ME "WANTS" ALONG THE WAY TOO! Hallelujah! Our God is a GOOD Father who LONGS To give his children good gifts. he is NEVER HOLDING out on us.....He is A L W A Y S in A L L W A Y S FAITHFUL......praise the Lord!
I pray this stirs your faith to TRUST HIM!
I received over $2500 in 2 WEEKS! THAT IS MY GOD! and MORE than the money....He has changed/is changing my heart, in so many ways..... Hallelujah. God is good....All the time. NO matter what the circumstance is, our God doesnot change. He is the same yesterday today and foreer. Forever faithful, forever rigtheous, forever just and merciful. Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised.
Thanks, if you have reached this point, for reading this far and probably bearing with me through multiple typos...it's just that my fingers cannot quickly enough type the words of praise and adoration and gratitiude and thankfulness to my GOd! Trust Jesus, people! What else is worth trusting? Yourself? How lame! WE cannot trust ourselves, we are human, with futile thinking and sinful tendencies, but made holy through Jesus blood and sacrifice...he is worth...it. I dare you to try it...trust Him.....see what He does....step out of that boat you've been sitting in, trying to catch your own fish for so long on a single fishing pole, and gettin nothin...cast out a NET in FAITH and He will fill it!!!!! AMEN!
